Sometimes there’s no reason for a ‘Why?’

11th March 2008

I came back from work at about 1130 pm. As soon as i turned on the lights & looked around the room, my stare just got fixed on my fish-bowl. I just couldnt believe what i was seeing, Goldy was upside-down & floating motionless!! That sight of Goldy was so aweful, I felt sudden pain & guilt.
It was so painful to see Goldy dead… it meant she’ll never swim around in my fish-bowl.. it meant i wont see her ever again.. it meant she was gone forever.. it meant Tango had lost his partner – forever – A loss just irreplacable !! Just couldnt help thinking, if am so hurt and disturbed, what Tango must be going thru’?? So what if Tango is a fish, the feeling of loss of partner’s life would still be the same for Tango as well right?

Guilt feeling came over because that morning I was running late for my classes & dint even glanced at Goldy, had i known that’s the last sight of Goldy – live n moving about, i would have spent a little more time with her… Its so sad that we only realize certain things after there’s absolutely no scope of undoing it!! Goldy was my first pet fish, maybe it just happened all of a sudden & just caught me unexpectedly so i felt the pain more, it was rather an unbearable pain.. I just couldnt see Goldy like that! Rups n me burried Goldy, placed a flower upon, not a single minute went that night without thinking about how did it happen? when did it happen? how lonely Tango must be now n so many other questiones which will always remain unanswered!

Goldy was just a pet, just another living creature in house, isnt that true..? So why does it hurt so much? Why did i cry? I think its because loss of life – is loss of life.. the pain is universal, the sadness is universal.. no matter who’s dead — its a death after all!! This feeling was very awkward, very insecured, very uncomfortable.. thought i just came face-to-face with the "life-n-death" fact of life! How momentary life could be? Just before i left house that morning Goldy was merrily swimming around in her territory, & how, when & what could have happened in those 15 hours?? What Goldy must have felt when she was just a minute away from her death, what Tango must have been through when he saw Goldy – dying, dying n dead?? Cant even imagine what those poor animals must have gone thru’!! Tango must have been so helpless, he couldnt even have asked for help, even if wanted to ask — whom to ask n how to??
God!! That feels so sad, so terrible, so hurt!! Till date couldnt stop thinking over these questions, which i know will always remain unanswered.

Will miss Goldy very much… my sweet friends joined me in praying for Goldy.. Goldy I will miss you so much, Tango will miss you too, though i can never hear him or see him crying or missing you, but yes with all of us he’s missing you too!! But the 11months when you were here we all had so much of fun, will cherish those moments always.. We all love you Goldy… You are here, with us — forever!